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Atmosia AI

Intelligent solutions for an atmosphere of productivity™

Introducing Atmosia AI — the world's first atmos-aware large language model, trained exclusively on plasma fire incident reports, canister mislabeling tickets, and 14,000 hours of atmos techs screaming into the radio. Whether you need to optimize a distro loop or explain to the Captain why the engine room is now a thermite cloud, Atmosia AI has you covered.

Powered by our proprietary GasNet™ Transformer architecture (patent pending in the Colossus Sector), Atmosia AI understands moles, pressure, and existential dread at a level no other AI can match. NEW

Choose Your Plan

All plans include unlimited hallucinations and a 0-day free trial.

Atmosia AI Expert
$20/month
For the atmos tech who's tired of thinking.
★★★★☆
  • Up to 50 atmos questions/day
  • Pipe layout "suggestions"
  • Automated canister labeling advice
  • Plasma fire risk index
  • Access to the GasNet™ knowledge base
  • Email support (48–96 hr response)
  • Correct answers (not guaranteed)
  • AI knows what Phoron smells like
⭐ BEST VALUE ⭐
Atmosia AI Omniscient
$99/month
For when Expert just isn't unhinged enough.
★★★★★
  • Unlimited atmos questions
  • Pipe layout mandates
  • Real-time canister telemetry integration
  • WMD yield pre-calculation assistant NEW
  • Priority GasNet™ Plus access
  • Live chat support (2–14 day response)
  • Certified by NT Safety Compliance™
  • AI will confidently explain anything
  • Monthly "Why Did The Station Explode" report

Plan Comparison

Feature Expert ($20/mo) Omniscient ($99/mo)
Questions per day50Unlimited
Plasma fire post-mortemsBasicAdvanced + Blame Assignment
Maxcap co-pilot mode✘✔
Response to "the atmos is on fire"SometimesAlways (helpfully wrong)
NT Compliance Certificate✘✔ (laminated)
Moral responsibility for outcomesSharedEntirely yours

What Our Users Are Saying

"I asked Atmosia AI Expert how to set up a tritium burn and it suggested I 'add more oxygen.' The station is gone but the AI was very confident." — poultry_mann, Goob Station, Sigma Subsector Central
"Upgraded to Omniscient. It generated a 47-page distro loop redesign with zero actual pipe connections. Somehow pressure is up 40%. 5 stars." — welticus_, NT14 Moose Station KX-818
"I asked it what Phoron tastes like. It said 'cinnamon.' I am no longer employed at Nanotrasen." — [REDACTED]

Frequently Asked Questions

Is Atmosia AI safe to use near an active plasma fire?
Atmosia AI is a software product and cannot be harmed by plasma fires. You, however, can.

Does Atmosia AI know the correct way to set up a loop?
Atmosia AI has read every guide on this website and remains uncertain. This is a feature.

What if I ask it something it doesn't know?
It will make something up with great conviction. See: Expert plan features.

Is there a refund policy?
Refunds are processed at Nanotrasen's sole discretion, which is to say: no.

* Atmosia AI is a satirical product. No actual AI was trained on atmos incidents yet. The Koprulu Sector export restriction is, however, very real. Atmosia AI Expert and Atmosia AI Omniscient are not responsible for any thermite events, Supermatter delaminations, or canister stack decisions made in reliance on AI output. By clicking "Purchase Now" you confirm that you understand what a mole is.